We've had the memorial service, the birthday party. I've helped pack up her entire apartment and seriously considered letting my friends dog-nap her dog so I could keep her forever. I hugged her family goodbye and wished mine was here. This time next week, I'll be at home, probably getting ready to leave Kennywood and wearing clean clothes. Everything is so unreal. I stood in the middle of her empty apartment with Ferocia in my arms and it finally hit me. Brittani is gone. I'm not going to be seeing her again. She's not going to be walking into my room with McDonalds or texting me about some hot guy walking on campus ever again. I keep going through periods of absolute numbness and then massive emotional breakdowns. I'm so incredibly thankful for my friends. I don't know how I'd do all this without them.
I got my very first tattoo today. I kept putting off getting one when I had my refund check because I was waiting for Brittani to get home from Africa first. She was supposed to hold my hand through it. I ended up getting the same African symbol she had. It means remembering the past. She might not have been able to hold my hand, but now I have a part of her forever.
I'm probably getting "grace" over it when I get home. (Her other wrist said that. I think I'm going to get the one we were going to get together on my other wrist, though.)
I miss her so much.
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