...when I used to update this?
I don't know what to do with myself all summer. I want to move back down to Georgia for awhile, just because I miss being around people outside of my family. I don't have anything in common with any of my friends here anymore. The only person that really gets me is my 13-going-on-25 year old cousin (who I would totally adopt if I could somehow. She's amazing.) I don't have a job anymore. I just sit around my house and play games all day. It's a really sad, sad summer.
Brittani's family and I are constantly fighting about things. I hate it. I wish she could just come back and fix everything. I keep feeling like it's all my fault she died. I was supposed to be with her that night and she never sped or drove like a crazy when I was in the car because she knew how nervous I got ever since Zack died. I keep feeling like if I had been there, she would still be alive. She was supposed to go to a wedding that night and I talked her out of it so she could come with me to the Athens Human Rights Festival. We ended up getting about 10 minutes from school when it started pouring, so we turned around and went back to the apartment, went grocery shopping, and then she dropped me off at my dorm so she could get ready to go out for Ross's birthday. Maybe if she would have went to the wedding, maybe if we wouldn't have turned around, maybe she would still be here and I could text her about how my summer sucks and how I'm going to hitchhike to Georgia and she'd send me pictures of Ferocia and tell me about how she's going crazy in Texas. The last thing we texted each other about was that the RD of the guys' dorm walking back to the dorm from the pool with his shirt off. I guess it's kind of funny, in a way.
I just wish there was someone around who is going through the same thing. It was so comforting to have everyone at Beth's apartment after it happened. It was nice to know that if I couldn't get ahold of myself and started crying and wouldn't be able to sleep, Hayden would be right there. Or if I couldn't stand being alone in my room anymore, Levi would show up with Wendy's and we'd sit in the pavillion until morning talking about nothing and watching slugs crawl across the floor.
I have to have my senior research paper proposal done and sent to the English department tonight. I don't know how I'm going to do that.
Comments (3)
-hug-
@christophersescape - You have no idea how much I need one.
"If" and "maybe" are big words that don't exist in the real worlds. You have to deal with what is real.